健康的關(guān)系并不意味著永遠(yuǎn)不會發(fā)生爭吵。

夫妻之間可以存在健康的分歧，但仍然站在對方一邊。

作為心理學(xué)家，我們已經(jīng)幸福地結(jié)婚了 35 年，我們發(fā)現(xiàn)，在沖突中，你的使命是讓自己變得脆弱——將

轉(zhuǎn)化為

“爭取權(quán)利”的語言

當(dāng)沖突出現(xiàn)時，最幸福、最成功的夫妻會使用修復(fù)和合作的語言。

這是任何人都可以學(xué)會做的事情。

我們將建議分為六類短語以及它們有助于哪種修復(fù)。

這些是平息升級沖突的行之有效的短語，是根據(jù)對 30,000 多對夫婦的多年觀察得出的：

1.“我感覺”

當(dāng)您需要幫助表達(dá)當(dāng)下的情緒時，請使用此功能。

例子：

• “我開始害怕了。”

• “請說得輕一點(diǎn)。”

• “這傷害了我的感情?！?/p>

• “這感覺像是一種侮辱。”

• “我覺得自己受到了責(zé)備。你能重新表述一下嗎？”

• “我覺得你現(xiàn)在還不理解我?！?/p>

2.“我需要冷靜一下”

當(dāng)您開始感到被淹沒和/或需要片刻修復(fù)時，請使用此功能。

例子：

• “我現(xiàn)在需要你的支持?！?/p>

• “現(xiàn)在就聽我說，試著去理解。”

• “能抱抱我嗎？”

• “這對我來說很重要。請聽我說?！?/p>

• “你能讓我的事情變得更安全嗎？”

• “我可以收回那句話嗎？”

3.“對不起”

當(dāng)您需要幫助措辭道歉時使用此功能。

例子：

• “我的反應(yīng)太極端了，對不起?！?/p>

• “我真的把那個搞砸了?！?/p>

• “讓我再嘗試一次?！?/p>

• “我現(xiàn)在想對你溫柔一點(diǎn)，但我不知道該怎么做。”

• “我可以看到我在這一切中所扮演的角色?！?/p>

• “我怎樣才能讓事情變得更好？”

4.“停止行動”

當(dāng)您被洪水淹沒并需要休息時使用此功能。

例子：

• “我可能錯了?！?/p>

• “請讓我們停下來一會兒?！?/p>

• “給我一點(diǎn)時間，我會回來的?！?/p>

• “讓我們一切重新開始吧?！?/p>

• “我們在這里求同存異吧?！?/p>

• "I'm feeling flooded. Can we take a break and talk about something else for a bit?"

5. "Getting to yes"

Use this when you want to validate your partner or meet them halfway.

Examples:

• "You're starting to convince me."
• "I agree with part of what you're saying."
• "Let's compromise here."
• "I never thought of things that way."
• "I think your point of view makes sense."
• "What are your concerns?"

6. "I appreciate"

Use this when you want to make a repair and add positivity.

Examples:

• "I love you."
• "I understand."
• "One thing I admire about you is..."
• "This is not your problem, it's our problem."
• "Thank you for..."
• "I see your point."

Small repair phrases prevent major damage

Think of a repair as anything that shifts the conversation toward the positive. Make that your goal and work as a team to open up to each other.

The most basic repair is a straightforward apology: "I'm sorry" or "I'm sorry I said that — let me try again."

It can also take the form of empathy or validation: "I understand how you feel" or "That makes sense, when you put it that way."

It can be voiced admiration: "You know what I really appreciate about you? How much you care about our kids. We're disagreeing over which school to pick, but I love how much it matters to you that they have a good education."

Remember, what determines the success or failure of a relationship is how you each respond to the repair.

Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottmanare the co-founders ofThe Gottman InstituteandLove Lab. Married for over 35 years, the two psychologists are world-renowned for their work on relationship stability and divorce prediction. They are also the co-authors of "Fight Right: How Successful Couples Turn Conflict into Connection" and"The Love Prescription: Seven Days to More Intimacy, Connection, and Joy."Follow them onInstagramandTwitter.

Want to land your dream job in 2024?Take CNBC's new online courseHow to Ace Your Job Interviewto learn what hiring managers are really looking for, body language techniques, what to say and not to say, and the best way to talk about pay. Get started today and save 50% with discount code EARLYBIRD.

VIDEO7:5207:52

This 31-year-old brings in $300K with his vending machine business — here's how

On The Job

Don't miss:

• Harvard psychologist: If you use any of these 9 phrases, 'your relationship is more successful' than most
• Here's the No. 1 phrase used in successful relationships, say psychologists who studied 40,000 couples

熱點(diǎn)：亞伯 亞伯拉罕